National Poetry Month is almost over

I was going to offer something from my current British Literature course, but I'm so unbelievably tired of it at the moment (and I need a humor interval, stat), so I'm offering this little confenction instead. Written by Jeff Brechlin à la William Shakespeare, it is the winning entry for the February 23, 2003 Washington Post's Style Invitational.

The challenge: "Take any extremely banal piece of familiar writing, such as a garment's laundry-care tag or instructions on how to set a VCR or a computer error message, and rewrite it in the style of a famous writer, poet or lyricist..."

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from Heavens yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.

To all the fabulous English teachers and profs and docs out there: wouldn't it be great to put this on an exam and ask your students to give two or, if they can, three examples of how this piece does not properly map to the English sonnet form of the Shakespearean era?

Yes, my students are going to hate me, why do you ask?