Way, way, way, WAAAAY TMI

[tzikeh]

So, the joys of the menstrual cycle.

My period is not exactly regular -- my cycle is *vaguely* 24 days, screwing me over as it slowly moves back from month to month until what used to be "around the 25th" becomes "around the 8th", and then over again. But at least I used to have fair warning: for many years, the signs that my period was nigh were simple: cramps and moodiness.

Now? My PMS, which comes the day before my period, has decided that variety is the spice of life. One month it will be cramping. One month it's hormonal overload. One month it will be bacne. One month I get the overwhelming need for a midday nap; the next month it will be hyperactivity to the point of not sleeping. One month it will be overwhelming clumsiness. One month it will be a splitting headache. And, of course, I never connect it to my period until the next day when I do the headdesk of "Ah, yet another variety of PMS. I should have known."

But this time? This time is a new one.

A giant, horribly painful, cyst-like pimple *on the inside of my inner labia*. GAAAAAH!! Ow ow ow ow OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW FUCKING OW!

You know the whole "donating a kidney to help someone who needs it"? I really, really wish I could donate my entire reproductive system to someone who wants it. Seriously. I'm not using it! I'll put it on Craigslist! Hell, I'll put it on FREECYCLE! Just come pick it up and it's yours!

OMGWTFPMS! You SUCK!!

Gah.

Comments

[dragovianknight.livejournal.com]

OW! And could it have picked a WORSE spot, considering you're preparing to cram things inside yourself for however many days?

[aerynvala.livejournal.com]

oh man *hugs* OW, and I thought my PMS/cycle was bad

[thete1.livejournal.com]

OMGWTF I've HAD that. Dude -- take a bath. Hot as you can stand it, and just kind of... sit there. It makes it better.

Slightly.

*pat, pat*!

Also there's booze!

[tzikeh.livejournal.com]

booooooooooze

[xanphibian.livejournal.com]

Oh my GOD. I. Um. I was just nodding along with your post until you got to the OW OW OW OW part. OW! *makes sympathetic noises?*

[umbo.livejournal.com]

Dittoing the hot bath advice, or hot compresses.

*hugs*

[twoweevils.livejournal.com]

I've had one of these in the exact same place and you have ALL my sympathy, believe me.

Also, A&D Ointment (after the hot bath and/or compresses) will help it shrink down, or soothe it if it...um...pops.

K.

[kirbyfest.livejournal.com]

Holy Christ. You poor thing.

Menopause can't come soon enough, thanks. My PMS has gotten worse in new and exciting ways as I've gotten older, not to mention my cycle has shortened significantly. Fuckers.

[ratcreature]

Ow. I had some pimple thing on my labia too once. You have my sympathy. Reproductive organs are just gross sometimes. I mean there's the orgasm thing as redeeming side effect, but sometimes even that just doesn't seem enough to balance the scales.

[laurashapiro.livejournal.com]

Another cyst survivor heard from. It was gawdawful. My sympathies. {{{J}}}

[the-shoshanna.livejournal.com]

And another survivor sympathizes. Hot compresses can help.

[jackiekjono.livejournal.com]

I get those frm time to time. Ow!

Since it is inside, I would avoid the really good topical pain relievers like ambesol because, while they do relieve pain in the mouth, they burn like crazy in more sensitive areas. If you can get some baby orajel, that will help. Otherwise, bacitracin or bactine will at least keep it from rubbing a little and help it come to a head faster.

Most dermatologists do not recommend popping zits of any kind, but if they really, really hurt a lot, some times you just have to. To minimize risk of infection (which is always a problem down there), wait for it to come to a head on its own, take a hot bath, and - directly after the bath - sterilize a very sharp needle in alchohol and poke it. That way leaves you with the smallest possible hole and shorter healing time.

[slb44.livejournal.com]

Owwww!

And I thought my endometriosis gave me a good reason to want to give away my reproductive organs. *g*

{{{Hugs}}}

[jacquez.livejournal.com]

Ouch! I've gotten those. Usually they leave me staring at my crotch in utter disbelief. "WHAT THE HELL YO!" They're more common when it's hot.

Honestly, I find popping them helps a LOT. Pop, rinse with warm salt water, give stern lecture to ladyparts....they heal quickly once popped, so that's nice.

[falzalot.livejournal.com]

eeeeeee!!!!

Dude, booze all the way!!!!!!!

[diluvian.livejournal.com]

My sympathies. Gaaaaah.

::passes you the booooooooze::

[elke-tanzer.livejournal.com]

Another survivor chimes in, and OMFG yes to the OW. Yes to the hot moist compresses, YES to comfort food and chocolate, and YES to the booze.

[cleversimon.livejournal.com]

OK, wow, I'm going to stop complaining about the one I got inside my ear now. Jesus Christburgers.

I mix a mean gin and tonic, if you like those.

[ellen-fremedon.livejournal.com]

Oh, ow. I've gotten those occasionally. Ow ow ow.

(I have to say, though, next time I get one I'm going to feel *so much better* for knowing I'm not the only one!)

[tv-elf.livejournal.com]

Ditto. But we know my inability to patiently wait it out. And also ditto the A+D. {{gentle hugs}}

[grace-om.livejournal.com]

Yes. I hope it helps that you are not at all alone in having had that happen. *sticks hand up*

I vote for hot baths, and otherwise leaving it alone.

There is only one positive symptom of PMS as far as I'm concerned: an overwhelming craving for chocolate :-)

[bluerosefairy.livejournal.com]

I'm in the same boat - schizophrenic PMS out the wazoo - and YES. Booze makes everything better. Especially free raspberry Godiva martinis.

I love knowing lots of bartenders, as it is occasionally worth it.

[klia.livejournal.com]

Had them, hate them. OW.

I hate A&D (my parents used it on *everything*), so I'll rec Neosporin + Pain Relief. Or, I know it sounds strange, but I've found Carmex really soothing because it cools the area.

[vass]

I really, really wish I could donate my entire reproductive system to someone who wants it. Seriously. I'm not using it!

*brainstorms*
Transwomen who want to go to MichFest?
DH Lawrence?
McDonalds?