I hadn't noticed that straight women were mutes.

[tzikeh]

Warning - there are generalizations about types of people ahead. I make no apologies for them -- they're generalizations. I'm sure you know women who are just like this woman and don't think like her at all. So do I. I'm just speaking in grossly simplistic terms for the sake of the story.

I took a mental health day yesterday, which means I didn't go into work, thereby avoiding any and all Web Experts. I got a bunch of stuff shipped off in the mail, bought workout pants that double as comfy, hang-around pants, and chatted with friends online.

I did have to talk to one person at work - a producer I had to finalize some deadlines with. I called her up, we set up some dates, and then we made a little small talk.

I've known this woman to say hello to for two years, but we've never been in any kind of real discussion other than work-related. She's a particular type - very thin - almost bony, coiffed, blonde, gets her nails done once a week at a salon. Anyway, I guess not being face-to-face with me emboldened her or something, and she said "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure."

"Are you gay?"

Now, I work at a public tv station and classical radio station. It's an odd mix; we have the arts types who write and host and create and direct and build and so forth, and in that group are many gays, lesbians, blacks, Hispanics, yadda yadda yadda. Then we have the salespeople, the Executives, and producers, who are women like this woman and the men who partner up with her in the "sets of stereotypical people" pairings. I have noticed that this second type (let's call them, oh, mundanes, for the sake of this post) are sometimes curious as to what it is we creative types do in our spare time - very curious. They often gossip, somewhat loudly, in the halls, as to who is gay or not, or who is into something weird, or what-have-you. Maybe I'm just not privy to it, but I never hear the creatives talking about whether or not any of the 'danes is gay. But I digress.

Anyway, I said, "No, I'm not - what made you ask?"

And she said "Well, you know. You're... you're... well, you have such a strong work ethic, and you speak up. I mean, you really spoke up at that meeting last month!"

{sigh}

So, apparently, there's a lesbian work ethic. This, I was unaware of.

There's so much wrong with her thought pattern here that there was really no point in trying to help her out. Plus? Mental Health Day. So I just said, "Oh."

But I regret that I did not have the wherewithal to use this line when she asked if I were gay, which is my favorite line from the movie Chaplin. When Charlie Chaplin is asked by a prejudiced git if he's Jewish, he says "No. Unfortunately, I do not have that honor."

I gotta remember that one.

Comments

[amilyn.livejournal.com]

And she said "Well, you know. You're... you're... well, you have such a strong work ethic, and you speak up. I mean, you really spoke up at that meeting last month!"

So...it's having opinions and being unable not to share them and argue about why they're most applicable to a situation in absence of evidence to the contrary....that's what makes me a lesbian, huh?

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

Her question was bizarre (primarily for the observations which prompted her to ask it), and yet there's something almost welcome about someone asking the question they really have instead of masking it as something else.

My mother is particularly annoyed by the question "So...um...are you...from New York?" which, in her universe, invariably turns out to mean "So...are you Jewish?"

[tzikeh.livejournal.com]

Yup.

[tzikeh.livejournal.com]

there's something almost welcome about someone asking the question they really have instead of masking it as something else.

That is very true. But wow, bizarre reasoning.

My mother is particularly annoyed by the question "So...um...are you...from New York?" which, in her universe, invariably turns out to mean "So...are you Jewish?"

Oh, man - that brings back a memory of a really racist, sexist, homophobic, anti-Semitic asshat I worked for at my last job (he was later fired for being a racist etc. asshat, so that's a little comfort) who, when he hired a Jewish salesman, said to me "You'll get along great with him - he's... from New York."

Ass. Hat.

And don't START me on the kids I met on a skiing trip when I was 13 who asked me what I'd done with my horns.

[mei-x.livejournal.com]

"Well, you know. You're... you're... well, you have such a strong work ethic, and you speak up. I mean, you really spoke up at that meeting last month!"

That is odd. I guess in her mind, straight women don't need to work hard because before long some guy will come along to rescue her from all that hard labor. A career is not an end in itself, it's a ticket to a guy. And speaking up is just unattractive to men, so no straight woman would do that, right?

The leap from assertive working woman to lesbian seems to be really broad ... and strange.

The big question is why a coworker's sexual orientation would matter to anybody, especially when the context of the relationship is a strictly business one. All that gossip about everybody's personal lives -- I guess I'm lucky that it doesn't exist so much (or simply that I'm out of the loop about it) at my job.

[heresluck]

Oh god. I gotta have a work ethic? I've clearly been going about this all wrong.

Hey, wait. If I'm bi, does that mean I only have to have half a work ethic? Because that I could maybe handle. Or, better yet, ditch the work ethic altogether and make up for it with the speaking up, because THAT I'm really good at.

[tzikeh.livejournal.com]

The big question is why a coworker's sexual orientation would matter to anybody, especially when the context of the relationship is a strictly business one.

I really think it's because we have the aforementioned mix at my building - the basic midwestern WASP men and women who have never really spent time with anyone other than people just like them, and then this large contingent of out-n-prouds, ethnic folks who don't dress in official WASP-approved business attire, and other kinds of people who don't look like/act like what the 'danes are used to in their lives - what they oftentimes assume is how "everybody" acts and dresses except for the poor and rock musicians.

I think it's ultimately good for them that they work somewhere that *isn't* all them, all the time (I've worked in some of those places. Ugh.), and it probably makes them more open, but boy howdy it does stir up the questions!

[tzikeh.livejournal.com]

I believe you can waive the full worth ethic if you're willing to speak up more often, yes.