Monkees driving cars

[tzikeh]

First of all:



Duh.

Second of all:

Am I the only person alive who knows what you are not supposed to do while in the driver's seat of a car? Seriously. When you are driving a car, you are in charge of a very fast, very heavy, very powerful machine which is involved in an intricate dance with hundreds of other very fast, very heavy, very powerful machines. Now is not the time to A) use the rear-view mirror to apply makeup and do your hair, B) read the newspaper, C) light a cigarette while talking on the cell phone (astounding), or D) balance your breakfast on the steering wheel with one hand while holding a cup of coffee in the other. I passed all four of these upstanding citizens this morning on the way to work - and it's only a 15-minute drive!

Also, when you are driving a car, driving the car takes precedence over whatever you were taught in finishing school or at cotillion about proper etiquette, okay? That is to say, if you are talking to another person in the car, you do not turn your head and keep eye contact with them during the conversation. If you cannot keep up your end of the conversation while watching the freaking road, then either pull over or shut up.

And finally, a grievance not about drivers, but about advertising. If you are running a radio ad, think about what it means if you include the sound effects of loud sirens, squealing brakes, and crashing. The overwhelming majority of the radio audience is listening to your ad while driving their cars. I am seriously beginning to think there should be laws about radio advertising and what sounds it can and cannot include.

Here endeth this morning's whinge. Let's be careful out there and for GOD'S SAKE WATCH THE FUCKING ROAD, YOU ASSHOLE!

{cough} Sorry.

Comments

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

READ the NEWSPAPER?! You're making that up.

-J

[tzikeh.livejournal.com]

Sadly, no.

[finabair.livejournal.com]

She's not. I once passed some guy driving down the center lane (mostly) of the Edens, doing 55 mph in rush hour traffic, reading a book that was balanced on the steering wheel.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Amen, to all of that.

My favorite refrain whilst driving used to be "what the FUCK are you DOING, idiot?!". I shorted that to "What are you doing, you stupid idiot?!" When my son got to be old enough (as in, over a year) to be paying attention to what I said. Now he says it with me: 'stupid idiot drivers'. *snerk*

And on the radio ads--I've wondered for a long time what possessed anyone to include crashes, sirens, etc. on those ads. Apparently they don't realize there's a whole mobile public out there, looking around for the cops, fire-engines, ambulances, etc.

Nice to know I'm not the only one wondering.

[tzikeh.livejournal.com]

My favorite refrain whilst driving used to be "what the FUCK are you DOING, idiot?!".

For a long time, I mimicked Kevin Kline's Otto from Fish Called Wanda -
"ASSHOOOOLE!" After the spate of highway shootings back in the day, I've limited myself to talking to myself in the car. "What the hell are you doing, you fuckhead?" "Pick a lane!" "Do you know how to use a four-way stop sign?" and the like - but not so's they can hear me.

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

I'm particularly fond of "On my planet, the green light means 'go'" and "The gas pedal's the one on the right..."

:-)

[cereta.livejournal.com]

You actually expect people to pay attention as they drive? Silly you!

[tzikeh.livejournal.com]

I'm particularly fond of "On my planet, the green light means 'go'"

Heh. I use "What color would you like it to be?"

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

but not so's they can hear me.

Oh, my god, *never* so they can hear me *g* I live in Kentucky, remember? Land of the good ol' boys, who still actually drive around with shotguns in their trucks. So, no. I do all my yelling INSIDE the car, with the windows up and the radio on, and no one the wiser ;)

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

One of my favorites (that my son actually says now *g*) is "the gas pedal makes the car GO...press on the pedal...that's it...press harder...".

Eventually they get the hang of it. /snark

[amilyn.livejournal.com]

I use most often, "You get one lane." or "Pick a lane and get in it."

[nestra.livejournal.com]

Oh, god, four-way stop signs kill me. They can't be that complicated.

Come to stop.

Take turns going through the intersection.

No, you may not zoom behind the person in front of you. It doesn't count until you come to a complete stop

Wait your fucking turn!

When your fucking turn comes, take it! Otherwise we'll all be stuck there while we all wave at each other. "You go!" "No, you, I insist!"

{snarl}

[tzikeh.livejournal.com]

I always want to have super explode-your-car-with-my-brain-waves powers at 4-way stop signs.

[renenet.livejournal.com]

Oh, that would be excellent. When I'm driving down the highway behind someone slow and/or annoying, I imagine a flying or hovering craft of some kind swooping in and extending a large arm with a metal scoop on it — like a really, *really* huge steel spatula — that lifts the car off the ground and flings it off the side of the road and out of my way. Of course, I don't do much city driving, so there's plenty of space by the roads here for these vehicles to pile up in fields or yards. I don't really imagine the landing part — just the flinging. Because, whee!

[kirbyfest.livejournal.com]

Mine, lately, is "Perhaps you've heard of a fucking TURN SIGNAL?" Closely followed by "Get out of my fucking way!"

Obviously, the f-word is critical to my driving.

[tzikeh.livejournal.com]

Obviously, the f-word is critical to my driving.

Can't start the car without it!

[tzikeh.livejournal.com]

Heh - reminds me of the Carlin routine about the bumper sticker "I'd rather be sailing". "I can help you with that..."