Monkees driving cars

[tzikeh]

First of all:



Duh.

Second of all:

Am I the only person alive who knows what you are not supposed to do while in the driver's seat of a car? Seriously. When you are driving a car, you are in charge of a very fast, very heavy, very powerful machine which is involved in an intricate dance with hundreds of other very fast, very heavy, very powerful machines. Now is not the time to A) use the rear-view mirror to apply makeup and do your hair, B) read the newspaper, C) light a cigarette while talking on the cell phone (astounding), or D) balance your breakfast on the steering wheel with one hand while holding a cup of coffee in the other. I passed all four of these upstanding citizens this morning on the way to work - and it's only a 15-minute drive!

Also, when you are driving a car, driving the car takes precedence over whatever you were taught in finishing school or at cotillion about proper etiquette, okay? That is to say, if you are talking to another person in the car, you do not turn your head and keep eye contact with them during the conversation. If you cannot keep up your end of the conversation while watching the freaking road, then either pull over or shut up.

And finally, a grievance not about drivers, but about advertising. If you are running a radio ad, think about what it means if you include the sound effects of loud sirens, squealing brakes, and crashing. The overwhelming majority of the radio audience is listening to your ad while driving their cars. I am seriously beginning to think there should be laws about radio advertising and what sounds it can and cannot include.

Here endeth this morning's whinge. Let's be careful out there and for GOD'S SAKE WATCH THE FUCKING ROAD, YOU ASSHOLE!

{cough} Sorry.

Comments

[tzikeh.livejournal.com]

I always want to have super explode-your-car-with-my-brain-waves powers at 4-way stop signs.

[renenet.livejournal.com]

Oh, that would be excellent. When I'm driving down the highway behind someone slow and/or annoying, I imagine a flying or hovering craft of some kind swooping in and extending a large arm with a metal scoop on it — like a really, *really* huge steel spatula — that lifts the car off the ground and flings it off the side of the road and out of my way. Of course, I don't do much city driving, so there's plenty of space by the roads here for these vehicles to pile up in fields or yards. I don't really imagine the landing part — just the flinging. Because, whee!

[tzikeh.livejournal.com]

Heh - reminds me of the Carlin routine about the bumper sticker "I'd rather be sailing". "I can help you with that..."