Damnation: It isn't just for breakfast anymore.

[tzikeh]

So - discussion sprung forth from the first load of heathen heresy.



sockkpuppett: and may I add, "Jesus wept," y'all.
tzikeh: snrk
cereta LOLOL. well, yeah, he really was kind of OTT, wasn't he?
sanj: lol
sockkpuppett: heee
bayleaf: Jesus as sensitive new-age guy
sanj: plus, the whole Peter thing
tzikeh: oh no! Weepy!Jesus!
cereta: such a drama queen
tzikeh: now he's gonna be crying in everything.
bayleaf: Plus a Mama's Boy
tzikeh: oh, totally.
sanj: I mean, Judas, okay, John, whatever -- the real pairing is
Jesus/Peter.
sockkpuppett: How's the little Savior today??
cereta: see, I was a Jesus/John 'shipper before I knew what slash was
* sanj giggles and thwaps Sockkpuppett
sanj: No way -- Jesus/Peter all the way. Decades now.
sockkpuppett: eons, even
tzikeh: hee! I thought Jesus/Satan - up on that hill? You think tempting was all that went on?
esorlehcar: There is a lot of Jesus/Satan, isn't there?
sockkpuppett: waiting for him to come back is like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
sanj: I mean, sure, there's plenty of Jesus/John there is you're looking for it, but whose word are you going on? JOHN'S.
tzikeh: John's a big liar. "Oh, yeah, we were dating." "Uh-huh."
sanj: "for sure."
tzikeh: "No really! We were a couple!"
cereta: oh, yeah, because Luke and Matthew were so reliable!
sockkpuppett: well, YEAH.
sanj: "Look, just because he cuddled you a few times does not mean you guys had a relationship."
tzikeh: none of them were reliable. All second-generation fanfic writers who never saw the show.
cereta: 2 different birth stories my ass!
sanj: Almost as bad as DC.
cereta: LOL
sanj: "Well, which canon are we going with?"
cereta: okay, because see, now I'm seeing John as a retcon
tzikeh: Matthew Mark Luke and John are just BNFs, and they each have their minions.
sockkpuppett: and let's not forget that party pooper of yore, Paul.
sanj: Lordy. Can we PLEASE forget Paul?
sockkpuppett: Don't drink! Don't fornicate! don't wear purple.
tzikeh: Paul Schmaul. He's the Aaron Sorkin of the group.
sanj: Latecomer
sockkpuppett: which ass was on the road to damascus again?
cereta: Luke only gets prpos because he wrote a sequel
tzikeh: Lex's ass is the road to Damascus.
sockkpuppett: heee
sanj: He didn't even know who Jesus was until after the final season.
sockkpuppett: he started watching it in syndication. Paul= BNF Wannabee
tzikeh: Well Jesus didn't even come in until there was a huge amount of canon, and then all the focus shifted on to him and his storyline.
sanj: exactly. Did he participate in the Save Our Savior campaign? No, he did not.
sockkpuppett: Save Our Savior!! He didn't even betray him!
tzikeh: Maybe the Second Coming will be on UPN.
sanj: My point. Not even a minor character.
sockkpuppett: all he did was write a lot of email
cereta: and don't forget, he took credit for other people's work
tzikeh: oh, totally.
sanj: And he wrote out the main female characters. Typical misogyny in fandom.
tzikeh: well, they're all guilty of that. c.f. Lilith.
sockkpuppett: goin' wayyyy back
cereta: Luke less so
sanj: Well, yeah, but at least the marys show up in the Evangelists' work.
tzikeh: Lilith is like "This is just gonna be a guy show, isn't it.
Fuck it, I'm outta here."
cereta: saw the writing on the wall. Well, and that second wife who lasted on episode
sanj: Just like Carolyn in TS. "I'm gonna be the evil ex, aren't I?"
bayleaf: Goddamn Apacalypse End-of-the-World Buddy Shows
tzikeh: "Hm. We need a girl who isn't gonna draw focus... who was that woman we saw for the role of doormat - Eve, was it?"
bayleaf: Ha!
sockkpuppett: yeah, but wardrobe in Revelations is to DIE for
bayleaf: Plus the best animal actors - all the horses
sockkpuppett: and you know they're gonna need a dragon wrangler and stuff
cereta: and dragons
sockkpuppett: heee
tzikeh: "NEEDED: Four actors, must be good horsemen, willing to shave head and/or remove skin."
sanj: well, after so many seasons of what, sandals and rags? you'd hope they get a wardrobve dept. who cuold do something.
cereta: except now I'm having this image of whichever Weasely that was...
sockkpuppett: Wanted: One WHORE who looks good in red and purple
bayleaf: Bring on the sackcloth! More ashes!
sockkpuppett: ethnic type..
sanj: Lucy: Charlie, I think.
bayleaf: Charlie
tzikeh: "What's with the fucking pine tree in Palestine? That doesn't grow here!" "But it's got pretty lights on it - " "Get it the fuck off my set!"
sanj: lol
* cereta snorts
bayleaf: LOL
sockkpuppett: And there's a rabbit down here digging warrens thru Golgotha! WTF is this?
tzikeh: LOL!!!
sanj: "And curse that fig tree while you're at it!"
cereta: the three wisemen must have been celebrity cameos
tzikeh: "You're going to put these crosses in our warrens?"
sockkpuppett: zoning??
sanj: Oh, totally -- Sean Connery, Patrick Stewart, and Morgan Freeman.
tzikeh: AIE!!
sockkpuppett: LOL
cereta: you have to admit, some of the special effects were pretty killer
tzikeh: so to speak.
sanj: the angels
cereta: I mean, that water into wine thing? Seamless
tzikeh: whatta morph!
sanj: the plagues
sockkpuppett: and there's the entire undead thing...
sanj: Yeah, I totally bought the Lazarus thing.
bayleaf: The Ascension was pretty trend-setting
tzikeh: lolol
cereta: the walking on water thing has been overdone, though. I mean, that was just showy
* tzikeh hums "Walk on the Ocean" again
sanj: plus, Mary and Martha? Totally hot.
bayleaf: isn't that what later Star Trek transmitters is based on?
sockkpuppett: How can ya keep 'em in the boat once they've seen Jesus?
tzikeh: heeeeee
cereta: well, and you know they were so doin' it, Mary and Martha
sockkpuppett: well, mary worked Martha to DEATH
bayleaf: so, what, Jesus brought the gospel of girl-on-girl action to menfolk everywhere?
sockkpuppett: and then embarrassed her in front of company
cereta: you didn't think Martha was really just snippy over the dishes?
tzikeh: probably the Magdalen was a big ol' Yenta for Jesus and Peter.
cereta: no, no, that was jealousy
tzikeh: "Don't you know he denies you?"
sanj: oh, totally.
sanj: Well, Jesus let him know how he felt. "Touch me not" and all that.
cereta: uh-huh
sanj: Gave mary M. a big diss.
tzikeh: with his foot fetish. Freakazoid.
cereta: what I want to know is what that "woman, behold you son" stuff was all about.
sanj: The "let's just be friends."
sanj: Because Jesus felt brotherly toward John.
cereta: I mean, so married. you wish.
bayleaf: You've definitely got the good death-bed kissing scene. Er. Death-implement kissing scene.
sanj: whereas, Peter, now -- left Peter in charge, didn't he? PARTNERS. Trusted partners.
sockkpuppett: speaking of cocks crowing and all.
cereta: and where was Peter during the crucifiction, HMMN?
bayleaf: Bwahaha!
cereta: LOL
* esorlehcar laughs and laughs
* bayleaf snickers again at "cocks crowing"
sanj: Wracked with angst! And chopping off soldiers' ears instead of just wailing at the cross!
cereta: of course, you realize, Sanj, that we're going to have the
Apostle Wars, here
sanj: lololol!
tzikeh: LOL!!!
cereta: competing lists
* sanj high-fives cereta
sanj: separate archives
sockkpuppett: LOL
cereta: exactly
sockkpuppett: that's it...
tzikeh: oh man.
sanj: "You're a Jesus fan? What pairing?"
* sockkpuppett stomps off list and joins Apocrypha Now list
tzikeh: AIE!!! oh god, Sanj *cough, cough, cough*
cereta: ROFL
tzikeh: Need...
tzikeh: t-shirt...
sanj: lolol!
bayleaf: And we're back to swan-song posts
cereta: oh, god
cereta: "Remember when it was about the ressurection?"
sanj: lolol!
* sockkpuppett dies… and rises!
cereta: "Now people are just so meeeaaan"
bayleaf: "I cannot continue to spend the last days of my life on this list. When I'm resurrected in three days, I'm joining another, more forgiving list."
sockkpuppett: LOL
cereta: oh, god, I think I broke something
sockkpuppett: go ahead, stick your hand in my side. I'll live.... again
sanj: "We used to break bread together! And now, betrayal!"
tzikeh: "If I don't post tomorrow, I've been raptured."
sockkpuppett: LOL
esorlehcar: You drove me to this crucifixion!
sockkpuppett: "I'm telling Dad!! Dad? Dad? are you listening? DAD?
sanj: you're nothing but a screaming mob! I wash my hands of this!"
tzikeh: Luckily, later on, Peter's twin brother Skippy posts from Peter's hospital room. “Peter happened to leave a whole bunch more Jesus stories on his hard drive before he slipped into his coma.”
sanj: "Peter's been crucified. Upside down. I hope you're all happy now."
sockkpuppett: "No, I said give John head on a pallet!"
* bayleaf laughs
tzikeh: LOLOLOL!!!!
cereta: "I'll just be over here writing Acts-slash, which is totally
marginalized in this fandom."
sanj: Whoop!!
* tzikeh cracks up
* Sanj bows to sockkpuppett.
bayleaf: What, no Job?
* Tzikeh wipes eyes
bayleaf: Job was original h/c, man.
sockkpuppett: Go ahead. Kill my family. Take my possessions. I'll be fine..
tzikeh: oy.
sanj: well, we've been totally second season here.
tzikeh: Yeah
tzikeh: how come no one's addressing the five-part arc of first season?
cereta: dude, too many characters
bayleaf: Yeah, but that's when they totally replaced the cast, started over like we'd never notice.
sockkpuppett: The genealogy alone....
cereta: all that begetting
tzikeh: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, assholes. Season One: The Pentateuch.
sockkpuppett: LOL
sanj: personally I miss David/Johnathan and Naomi/Ruth.
sanj: plus the tense and angsty Miriam-Aaron-Moses triangle.
sockkpuppett: and there are too many rules about cooking
cereta: well, and didn't Jonathan have the creepiest vibe with Saul?
tzikeh: Season Two: Fuck the Pentateuch
tzikeh: Season 2, Episode One: "Torah Schmorah"
bayleaf: What, you want me to wet a second set of pants? I thought you were my friend, tzikeh…
sanj: Well, and Saul-Jonathan-David.
sanj: That was ugly.
cereta: oh, yeah
tzikeh: and hey
cereta: nasty break-up all around
sockkpuppett: you want foreskins?? I can getcha foreskins!
sanj: No shit.
tzikeh: they never came back to the Ark of the Covenant - thank God for Spielberg's fanfic - wrap that story up.
cereta: it's no wonder David turned into such a slime
sockkpuppett: leave it in ethiopia, for god's sake
sanj: well, the new writers with their whole David-is-straight thing
cereta: oh, well, there's dangling threads all over the place
tzikeh: big freaking plot holes too. And TPTB are all "Oh, well, miracle!"
bayleaf: Just think of all the GSF that came outta the buncha people stuck on a tiny boat for 40 days and 40 nights story line
sanj: and Bathsheba.
cereta: and they repeated stories a lot
sockkpuppett: he was the andrew lloyd webber of the OT!!!
sanj: oh, and Jacob-Esorlehcar-Leah.
tzikeh: Noah - the Origins of the Furries.
* cereta nods
sanj: threesomes everywhere.
cereta: scheming mothers-in-law, too
bayleaf: Shadrach, Meshach, and one of the cows.
tzikeh: LOL!!!
sanj: hee
tzikeh: And there's whole archives of fic about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednigo for those people who only like periphery character fic.
cereta: and that whole Lot and his daughters bit, now that was really over the line
sanj: Daniel and Joseph with the prison scenes.
tzikeh: Oh, Joseph and his whole X-Files thing.
tzikeh: "I see the future!"
tzikeh: yeah, yeah...
bayleaf: The Truth Is Out There
sanj: "The truth is out there!"
* sanj grins at bayleaf
bayleaf: Sharing the brain
sanj: I thought Kira took it back with her.
sockkpuppett: I've always said that, although we know what was going on in Sodom... I think that the big Gomorrah sin was multi-level marketing.
tzikeh: Are we *done*? I mean, have we exhausted the Old Testament?
sanj: Can you really exhaust the OT?
sockkpuppett: it just keeps going and going and going
tzikeh: oooh! Samson and Delilah - Haircut warnings!!
sanj: Ruth-Naomi-Boaz
cereta: and that doesn't even get into the whole canon question
cereta: hee
sockkpuppett: not to mention ill-thought-out bondage scene
tzikeh: "NO STORIES OF SAMSON WITHOUT HIS HAIR!"
sanj: Yeah, Song fo Solomon? What's up with that?
sockkpuppett: kinnnnky
tzikeh: and what's Exodus, really - but a road trip arc.
sockkpuppett: and then there's the aliens landing in Genesis, what with the angels of god seeing the daughters of men, and..... mating.
sockkpuppett: and why arent there more men named Methuselah?
tzikeh: dunno!
bayleaf: Esau and Jacob and the devious mother
sockkpuppett: and the oatmeal
tzikeh: ?
sockkpuppett: A bowl of stew. do I have to tell you a bible story?
cereta: Hey, esorlehcar: Jacob and Esau! Twins!
esorlehcar: True!
tzikeh: LOLOL!!
sockkpuppett: LOL
tzikeh: oh - the STEW. ok.
sockkpuppett: and wasn't Esau a teddy bear?
cereta: oh, yes
tzikeh: sorry - I was wandering through the "Smooth man / hairy man" thing in my head.
* esorlehcar laughs
esorlehcar: So I can go to hell in even more ways!
sockkpuppett: And God showed his ass to Moses..
sanj: lololol
esorlehcar: Of course, they hated each other....
tzikeh: angst-fic!
sockkpuppett: oh the angst!
bayleaf: wait, wait - who wrestled with angels?
sockkpuppett: LOL
sockkpuppett: jacob!
esorlehcar: Jacob.
bayleaf: all night, rolling around with
cereta: yeah
tzikeh: hee
sockkpuppett: imagine the costumes
bayleaf: Wing-fic!
esorlehcar: Esau just moaned a lot about losing his inheritance.
sanj: and the whole Jacob's Ladder effects
sockkpuppett: whiner
sanj: hee, bayleaf
cereta: well, and they overcompensated by giving him two wives
cereta: and all those sons
bayleaf: Joseph, and his brothers bowing at his feet when he was all "hello, I operate the food storehouses, aren't you sorry you threw me in a pit and sold me as a slave?"
tzikeh: and his fabulous coat.
sockkpuppett: faaabbbulous. it was dreamy
tzikeh: lol
cereta: and then the eyeliner. such a glitterboy
bayleaf: Totally faaaabbbulous. Made the Pharaoh notice him, didn't it? And the Pharaoh's wife
tzikeh: Potiphar's wife
sockkpuppett: he got around..
bayleaf: oh, yeah
sockkpuppett: then, the prison scenes!
cereta: to which he said, "Eeewwww. Girl cooties"
* esorlehcar laughs
tzikeh: LOL!!
esorlehcar: It was just like Oz!
sanj: lol
sockkpuppett: right!
esorlehcar: All murder and anal sex!
bayleaf: SNORK
* tzikeh imagines Potiphar burning a Mogen David into Joseph's ass.
* esorlehcar dies

Comments

[taraljc.livejournal.com]

and then there's the part where I fear you.

[mtgat]

And here Amilynh told me you'd been discussing how Jesus was a big ol' Mary Sue (child of major character(s)[God's illegitimate son, descendent of David], the laws of physics don't apply to him, everybody feels bad after he dies so he gets better, takes over the storyline completely, and so on and so on).

So, do you think there'll be cable in Hell?

[tzikeh.livejournal.com]

So, do you think there'll be cable in Hell?

Sure, but it'll be one of those crappy packages that has local access, C-SPAN, and The Golf Channel only.

[mtgat]

STILL better than the package they've got in Heaven then: all-day reruns of the 700 Club.

This thread now makes far more sense in the context of "Reading all the earlier posts before replying."

[kirbyfest.livejournal.com]

Since we're all going to hell anyway, we should make sure to set up our lawn chairs near each other where we can get the best view of the Seventh Circle. All kinds of fun down there, I'm told.

At least we'll be in good company. :)

[tzikeh.livejournal.com]

Since we're all going to hell anyway, we should make sure to set up our lawn chairs near each other where we can get the best view of the Seventh Circle.

Oh, I agree! And we should bring Goldfish crackers and Dr. Pepper. Hell's more fun that way.

[flambeau.livejournal.com]

Hey, Jesus/Judas is my OTP! Okay, not the happiest of pairings, but I've put in my time on Mulder/Krycek, I can handle a little betrayal and death and crap. I mean, can you blame Judas for getting upset and maybe acting a bit rashly after Jesus, the tramp, started cuddling that other apostle who shall remain nameless, right in front of everyone? That was just cruel! (Ratings shot through the roof, though.)